I swear to God

I’m not.

I was in his room thinking “just have fun,there are no feelings at all”. As he got closer all those thoughts dissolved. 

Not even the drugs in my system would influence me to reciprocate his desire. “I’m single, I just need a clean break”, I can call myself a liar. 

I couldn’t do it. I was in disgust. I want something real, not out of lust. Damn, and I’m not even into him at all. I’m so naive thinking I could be friends with these guys; but how could I let “loose” with all my former ties? I’m not angry or hurt by my past anymore. Could I use that as an excuse to act like a who_e?

Look what you’ve done to me. Look what I’ve done to myself.

I don’t know whether I’m holding back from moving on because secretly, I don’t want to hurt you. How could I hurt someone who’s a ghost in my life; and me thinking about you is only keeping our memories alive. Damn, when I’m trying to find someone new, they’re just not you.